The Time is Clicking

By Trevor Kollmann

Five...Four...Three...Two...One...Umm...Oh Shit! Is there still reservations off this planet, Marshall Applegate? The world is coming to an end!

Or is it? There are many believers in the Destruction in 2000 theory. I personally believe it is a bunch of bullshit.

Let’s say that "time" as we know it was synchronized throughout the ENTIRE universe. It all seems SO convieniant for an asteroid to hit on the day of the new millenium, and destroy us all. Another way of course is alien invasion. Man! Aren’t they a threat. Again why 2000?! Oh! I know. See, they’re waiting till record numbers of people are either drunk or in resorts safetly away from their SAMs and pellet guns (including everything between.) Which together would pose less than .001% of disabling their target guessing that if they wanted to destroy us, they would.

Now let’s be logical. Time DOES NOT EXIST! It was a concept developed from a man long past dead to place structure into human lives. And of course the Universe does not believe in the Christian calendar. For one thing, it could easily use a system that is a hell of a lot older knowing the Christian calendar is oly 1998 years old.

Just wait. I was wrong. I have an answer. We will die in 2000 because...Those dinosaurs. Year, it was their year 2000 65 million years ago (Christian time.)

I of course have a solution. Let’s create a new calendar starting at 0. It will extend human life an amazing 2000 years!